Remember "BABE"?
The hit movie about a little pig
who got lost while in the city?
Well there's a sequel to it
this time about half-a-dozen other little pigs
and their adventures in the city.
The sequel is
SIX IN THE CITY.
THE TIE THAT BINDS
An ageing mother, distraught over her 3 sons who do nothing but quarrel among themselves all day, invited the 3 boys to dinner in the hope that she can patch things up. She tells them she will cook a very special soup for them.
And so that evening, as the 3 sons were quarrelling at the dinner table, the mother served her special soup and said, "My sons, I am old and soon may no longer be around to watch over you. It pains me so much to see you quarrel among yourselves like this. I have cooked for you this very special soup in the hope that after you have savored its flavor, you will forever remember me and my wish that you stop quarreling among yourselves. Please, finish your soup while it is still hot."
Quietly, the 3 boys finished their soup with much gusto. Looking at each other with eyes wide open, they exclaimed, "Mother, this has got to be the best soup we have ever tasted. It was chunky and a bit gritty but very tasty. What's in it?"
"My sons, even as you were new-born infants, I have always prayed that you will live in harmony and love one another. I even followed the old traditions and kept your umbilical cords tied together in the hope that this will bind you together in harmony. Seeing how much you quarrel, it seems binding your dried up umbilical cords together is not working. So I have decided to cut the tie that bound your umbilical cords together all these years, chopped those dried up flesh into tiny pieces and cooked those stinking chunks into a special soup just for you. I'm really happy you liked it. Seconds, anyone?"
"My sons, even as you were new-born infants, I have always prayed that you will live in harmony and love one another. I even followed the old traditions and kept your umbilical cords tied together in the hope that this will bind you together in harmony. Seeing how much you quarrel, it seems binding your dried up umbilical cords together is not working. So I have decided to cut the tie that bound your umbilical cords together all these years, chopped those dried up flesh into tiny pieces and cooked those stinking chunks into a special soup just for you. I'm really happy you liked it. Seconds, anyone?"
BRAND POSITIONING
Yesterday, I whipped up a couple of eggs, vinegar, olive oil, some spices and came up with an amazing DIP. My friends liked it so much it was a HIT. They said I should come up with several varieties and market my DIPS. Hmmm...I need some brand positioning... What would I call it? Hmmm... DIPS that are bound to be a HIT... hmmm...DIPS...HIT...DIPS...HIT...
DIPSHIT!!!
LAST COMIC STANDING
No, seriously, I've always wanted to be a stand up comedian...
but everytime I go up the stage, people stand up and leave...
REMOVE KIDNEY STONES
There's this new medical procedure to remove kidney stones...Instead of cutting you open, surgeons just make 4 tiny incisions on your side. Patients say they were TICKLED pink as the incisions were made on their sides...They call this procedure a LAFF-A-ROSCOPY
FORESIGHT
Learning to write a check with the LEFT hand just in case you suffer a stroke and can't write with your RIGHT.
THE INTERPRETER AND THE BARBER
Says the interpreter : "I love my job! I get to talk behind VIPs' backs and get paid to do so!"
Says the barber : "That's nothing...Kings and Presidents take their hats off before me and trust me enough to let me put a blade across their throats."
ONE STEP AHEAD
There was this guy who was born with three legs...
he became successful coz he was always one step ahead
he became successful coz he was always one step ahead
SPLIT PERSONALITY
My psychiatrist diagnosed me as having SPLIT PERSONALITY but assures me not to worry as she can cure BOTH of me.
PREGNANCY TEST
Ahhh... where do you bring a pet hamster to see if she's pregnant?
Duh... bring her to an OB-GUINEA-cologist !!!
Duh... bring her to an OB-GUINEA-cologist !!!
CHAPLIN'S GHOST?
In the "spirit" of Halloween, I'd like to share with you this picture of a ghostly apparition at my place. Every morning, as the rising sun casts its light upon my front screen, the profile of a man with an odd "square" mustache slowly appears for about 5 minutes and then gradually disappears. Is it Charlie Chaplin? Is it Adolf Hitler? You be the judge.
You can blame my pet cat for this ghostly phenomenon. This screen used to be flat and taut and unremarkable. And then one day, my cat decided to do a "Spiderman" and climbed up this screen door, causing it to sag a bit. Doing so, my cat must have opened up a portal to another dimension because the following morning, this apparition started to manifest itself every morning at 7:15, gradually disappearing by 7:20. Strangely enough, this apparition does not appear whenever it's cloudy. Happy Halloween!
ALZHEIMER'S
Worried about Alzheimer's? Don't!
It's AL's...Let AL worry about his heimers.
Go get your own heimers.
MIRANDA DECLARATION
If you keep getting a headache from some guy who keeps talking and talking, give him a pen and paper and tell him : "You have to WRITE to remain silent."
HEALTH WARNING
Is smoking dangerous to your health? I don't know. It's your lungs. You decide. Just don't smoke anywhere near me, ok? Coz' doing that definitely will be dangerous to your health !
COPPER
Police officers are called "COPS" because of their COPPER badge. Now, if their badge were made of BRONZE, cops would've been called "BRO" !
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