tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65419054219883736402024-03-13T14:34:06.641-07:00LAUGH-A-HOLICa funny look at lifeDaddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-14497462074385494262010-06-20T19:56:00.000-07:002010-06-20T20:01:40.868-07:00THE SEQUEL<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Remember "BABE"? </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">The hit movie about a little pig </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">who got lost while in the city? </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well there's a sequel to it </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">this time about </span><span style="font-size: large;">half-a-dozen other little pigs </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">and their adventures in the city. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">The sequel is </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">SIX IN THE CITY</span></strong>.</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-83423488522079799712010-06-09T22:25:00.000-07:002010-06-09T22:27:25.196-07:00ELIMINATE DEBT<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I found a machine that can </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">CUT DOWN DEBT</span>. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Its called a <span style="color: red;"><strong>LOAN MOWER</strong></span>.</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-78120651654538023102010-05-23T05:44:00.000-07:002010-06-09T22:28:56.968-07:00THE TIE THAT BINDS<div style="text-align: justify;">An ageing mother, distraught over her 3 sons who do nothing but quarrel among themselves all day, invited the 3 boys to dinner in the hope that she can patch things up. She tells them she will cook a very special soup for them.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">And so that evening, as the 3 sons were quarrelling at the dinner table, the mother served her special soup and said, "My sons, I am old and soon may no longer be around to watch over you. It pains me so much to see you quarrel among yourselves like this. I have cooked for you this very special soup in the hope that after you have savored its flavor, you will forever remember me and my wish that you stop quarreling among yourselves. Please, finish your soup while it is still hot."</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Quietly, the 3 boys finished their soup with much gusto. Looking at each other with eyes wide open, they exclaimed, "Mother, this has got to be the best soup we have ever tasted. It was chunky and a bit gritty but very tasty. What's in it?"<br />
<br />
"My sons, even as you were new-born infants, I have always prayed that you will live in harmony and love one another. I even followed the old traditions and kept your umbilical cords tied together in the hope that this will bind you together in harmony. Seeing how much you quarrel, it seems binding your dried up umbilical cords together is not working. So I have decided to cut the tie that bound your umbilical cords together all these years, chopped those dried up flesh into tiny pieces and cooked those stinking chunks into a special soup just for you. I'm really happy you liked it. Seconds, anyone?"</div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-17797733079785000812010-05-11T17:20:00.000-07:002010-05-11T17:35:50.178-07:00BRAND POSITIONING<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday, I whipped up a couple of eggs, vinegar, olive oil, some spices and came up with an amazing DIP. My friends liked it so much it was a HIT. They said I should come up with several varieties and market my DIPS. Hmmm...I need some brand positioning... What would I call it? Hmmm... DIPS that are bound to be a HIT... hmmm...DIPS...HIT...DIPS...HIT...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;"><strong>DIPSHIT</strong></span>!!!</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-2832339710603580312010-05-04T22:29:00.000-07:002010-05-04T22:29:10.603-07:00LAST COMIC STANDING<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">No, seriously, I've always wanted to be a stand up comedian...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">but everytime I go up the stage, people stand up and leave...</span> </div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-61256030560166432392010-05-04T22:20:00.000-07:002010-05-04T22:20:25.043-07:00REMOVE KIDNEY STONES<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">There's this new medical procedure to remove kidney stones...Instead of cutting you open, surgeons just make 4 tiny incisions on your side. Patients say they were TICKLED pink as the incisions were made on their sides...They call this procedure a <strong>LAFF-A-ROSCOPY</strong></span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-82299365001030059402010-04-03T19:07:00.000-07:002010-04-03T19:09:33.373-07:00FORESIGHT<div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Learning to write a check with the LEFT hand just in case you suffer a stroke and can't write with your RIGHT.</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-73900648875405877802010-04-03T19:03:00.000-07:002010-04-03T19:14:35.455-07:00THE INTERPRETER AND THE BARBER<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Says the interpreter : "I love my job! I get to talk behind VIPs' backs and get paid to do so!"</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Says the barber : "That's nothing...Kings and Presidents take their hats off before me and trust me enough to let me put a blade across their throats."</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-38860045541224742502010-04-03T18:56:00.000-07:002010-04-03T18:56:23.497-07:00PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY<span style="font-size: x-large;">Confucius say : </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Man with PHOTOGRAPHIC memory is always NEGATIVE."</span>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-87801444584343233042010-04-03T18:50:00.000-07:002010-04-03T18:50:45.286-07:00ONE STEP AHEAD<span style="font-size: large;">There was this guy who was born with three legs...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">he became successful coz he was always one step ahead</span>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-61493286651286120172010-03-23T18:54:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:54:11.698-07:00SPLIT PERSONALITY<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">My psychiatrist diagnosed me as having <span style="color: red;"><strong>SPLIT PERSONALITY</strong></span> but assures me not to worry as she can cure <span style="color: red;"><strong>BOTH</strong></span> of me.</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-12137390428085362542010-01-26T18:24:00.000-08:002010-01-26T18:35:52.990-08:00STOCK MARKET<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ruK6ErxBUDo/S1-l-0sEMlI/AAAAAAAAAbw/MufhUroQADs/s1600-h/stockmarket1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 209px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 197px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431242174346048082" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ruK6ErxBUDo/S1-l-0sEMlI/AAAAAAAAAbw/MufhUroQADs/s400/stockmarket1.jpg" /></a><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;">No, no... it's STOCK market, </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;">not <strong>STUCK</strong> market!</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-83963855462644784912009-11-10T01:32:00.000-08:002010-05-11T19:41:29.910-07:00PREGNANCY TEST<a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:dBlNUIG4SqbzVM:http://badanimalpuns.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/cute-guinea-pig.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:dBlNUIG4SqbzVM:http://badanimalpuns.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/cute-guinea-pig.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 109px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 125px;" /></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 130%;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 130%;">Ahhh... where do you bring a pet hamster to see if she's pregnant?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 130%;">Duh... bring her to an OB-<span style="font-weight: bold;">GUINEA-</span>cologist !!!</span></div></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-68228852287612574542009-10-29T07:34:00.000-07:002009-10-29T07:35:46.610-07:00CHAPLIN'S GHOST?<div style="text-align: justify;">In the "spirit" of Halloween, I'd like to share with you this picture of a ghostly apparition at my place. Every morning, as the rising sun casts its light upon my front screen, the profile of a man with an odd "square" mustache slowly appears for about 5 minutes and then gradually disappears. Is it Charlie Chaplin? Is it Adolf Hitler? You be the judge.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAq-tFm30kXm5DN65IwLRChmipP9HIzp8eT-J23GTLXj26unEvUQG4hcxL-oDTw57q2VL2623mD6739CNkMxVPOuxqtmG-3LylINeHNNvGhM4uOx1GEYoMODn2jRs-lYRvOK0dJPf2Rsc/s1600-h/chaplinghost.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAq-tFm30kXm5DN65IwLRChmipP9HIzp8eT-J23GTLXj26unEvUQG4hcxL-oDTw57q2VL2623mD6739CNkMxVPOuxqtmG-3LylINeHNNvGhM4uOx1GEYoMODn2jRs-lYRvOK0dJPf2Rsc/s400/chaplinghost.JPG" /></a><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">You can blame my pet cat for this ghostly phenomenon. This screen used to be flat and taut and unremarkable. And then one day, my cat decided to do a "Spiderman" and climbed up this screen door, causing it to sag a bit. Doing so, my cat must have opened up a portal to another dimension because the following morning, this apparition started to manifest itself every morning at 7:15, gradually disappearing by 7:20. Strangely enough, this apparition does not appear whenever it's cloudy. Happy Halloween!<br />
</div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-55238337470857458122009-10-24T03:35:00.000-07:002009-10-24T03:35:50.905-07:00A MONA LISA PAINTED IN MILLISECONDS...NOW THAT'S FAST!<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fKK933KK6Gg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fKK933KK6Gg&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-66694617910266397522009-10-16T08:36:00.000-07:002009-10-16T08:36:19.073-07:00ALZHEIMER'S<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Worried about Alzheimer's? Don't!</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">It's AL's...Let AL worry about his heimers. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Go get your own heimers.</span><br />
</div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-21238883946532741232009-10-16T08:30:00.000-07:002009-10-16T08:30:32.935-07:00MIRANDA DECLARATIONIf you keep getting a headache from some guy who keeps talking and talking, give him a pen and paper and tell him : "You have to WRITE to remain silent."Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-23930039505209306112009-09-13T17:36:00.000-07:002009-09-13T17:36:41.056-07:00HEALTH WARNING<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ruK6ErxBUDo/Sq2P05g9jTI/AAAAAAAAAZM/3UzaizRdO4k/s1600-h/smokers%27lounge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ruK6ErxBUDo/Sq2P05g9jTI/AAAAAAAAAZM/3UzaizRdO4k/s400/smokers%27lounge.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">Is smoking dangerous to your health? I don't know. It's your lungs. You decide. Just don't smoke anywhere near me, ok? Coz' doing that definitely will be dangerous to your health !</div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-5066321662059166942009-09-09T10:41:00.000-07:002009-09-09T10:41:47.347-07:00CURVES AHEAD<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Amazing how just adding a couple of curves can turn a HE into a SHE</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-8825554517576234322009-09-08T07:33:00.000-07:002009-09-08T07:33:47.592-07:00COPPER<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ruK6ErxBUDo/SqZn8tSgnSI/AAAAAAAAAZE/v27LJWrsgQw/s1600-h/badge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ruK6ErxBUDo/SqZn8tSgnSI/AAAAAAAAAZE/v27LJWrsgQw/s320/badge.jpg" /></a></div><blockquote style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Police officers are called "COPS" because of their COPPER badge. Now, if their badge were made of BRONZE, cops would've been called "BRO" !</span></blockquote>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-46489634521674011052009-09-08T07:29:00.000-07:002009-09-09T10:38:01.635-07:00WHAT'S IN A NAME<div style="text-align: justify;"><blockquote style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I have a friend named </span><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">YOYOY</span></span><span style="font-size: x-large;">... He got his name when as a baby, a nurse, asking for the new-born baby's name, heard the father cry out: </span></blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-size: x-large;"> "</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">Why oh why oh why</span></span><span style="font-size: x-large;">?" </span></blockquote><blockquote><span style="font-size: x-large;">And the name stuck...</span></blockquote></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-91331448232655907232009-08-29T23:17:00.000-07:002009-08-29T23:47:31.184-07:00THE GAME<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">'Twas a really tight ballgame...the other team's ahead by a point...you get the inbound pass with just 6 seconds to play...you go top of the key to attempt a 3-pointer...then you see an open man right under the basket ready for an easy 2-pointer...the crowd goes wild...their roar fills the stadium...you see yourself being carried by your team after you nail this 3-pointer...the winning basket...you look at the open man under the basket waving his arms like crazy frantically begging you to pass him the ball...no way man...the crowd goes even wilder...their shouts now more defeaning than ever...this is your moment...your winning moment...and then...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 32px;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: red;">buzzzzzzzzz...! </span></span></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">T</span><span style="font-size: medium;">i</span><span style="font-size: medium;">m</span><span style="font-size: medium;">e</span><span style="font-size: medium;">'</span><span style="font-size: medium;">s</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">u</span><span style="font-size: medium;">p</span><span style="font-size: medium;">!</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">G</span><span style="font-size: medium;">a</span><span style="font-size: medium;">m</span><span style="font-size: medium;">e</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">o</span><span style="font-size: medium;">v</span><span style="font-size: medium;">e</span><span style="font-size: medium;">r! What the...Now the crowd goes berserk...you quickly duck as a chair is hurled towards you...but you never even saw the Gatorade that floored you...and then you see yourself being carried by your team...on a stretcher...</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-75393406095941452009-08-26T08:25:00.000-07:002009-08-26T09:06:04.127-07:00SELLING LIFE INSURANCE<div style="text-align: justify;">Selling life insurance is not the easiest job in the world. Believe me. I sold life insurance before. Imagine this... there you are seated on the sofa talking with your prospects, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. To break the ice, you tell them how much you admire them for being very responsible and loving parents. You tell them how lucky little Tommy is for having such wonderful and loving parents. And Mr. and Mrs. Smith smilingly agree with you. Yes! A buying signal! Good work! You're on a roll...You keep emphasizing how much they love Tommy...how much they really love their only child...You see tears in Mrs. Smith's eyes...Great! You've talked to their emotions! You open your proposal, an endowment plan that would earn dividends and build a fund for little Tommy... Mr.Smith likes the numbers he sees...Mr. Smith looks into Mrs. Smith's eyes and you can see they're buying...<b> THEY ARE BUYING</b>! You give them a pen... and just as they were about to sign, you opened your mouth one more time and said :" <i style="color: red;">And if little Tommy dies...</i>" </div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">You should've seen the horror in Mrs. Smith's eyes...But you couldn't have because Mr. Smith was already escorting you out the door...Loser!</div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-5944680217372891372009-08-24T04:30:00.000-07:002009-08-24T04:30:07.681-07:00FUNNY ADS<div style="text-align: justify;">Some ads can be funny sometimes:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">"<span style="color: red;"><strong>Loan to Pay Off Debt</strong></span>"... how's that? You get a loan to pay off another loan? I dunno... And my girlfriend thinks "<strong><span style="color: red;">Debt Consolidation</span></strong>" means she can forward me all her credit card bills and I "<strong><span style="color: red;">Pay Off her Credit Card Debt</span></strong>"...hmmm? Babe, I love you...but I don't love you that much! And Babe, forget about "<strong><span style="color: red;">Wealth Management</span></strong>" coz there's no way I'm gonna let you manage MY wealth! Go find your own wealth to manage...</div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6541905421988373640.post-30712771775536300142009-08-22T18:30:00.000-07:002009-08-22T18:36:55.532-07:00TEAMWORK<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Teamwork would've been great except there's still "work" in it...try <span style="color: red;"><strong>TEAMPLAY</strong></span> instead.</span></div>Daddy Jimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03571113217674169913noreply@blogger.com